making “no” hard to say
by D.O.
Neil Sedaka once penned the profound realization that breaking up is hard to do. If you want to read about the ins and outs of breaking up and other things pertaining to relationships and their implicit complexities, may I refer you to Heather’s current series on the matter. Her writings on such things allow me the opportunity to write about something else. (I know this may disappoint many who were turning to odfm for relational counseling… my apologies.) In this case, that “something else” just happens to be something that Heather suggested I write about, for the edification of… most.
There are a lot of things in life that are really quite easy to say “no” to, especially when a complete stranger is the one doing the asking. If a total stranger came up to you and asked you politely, (as opposed to with the help of a handgun) for your wallet or purse, you’d say “no” with equal politeness and without thinking twice. And if an totally unknown person asked you for $250 so that they could buy a bus ticket to California, perhaps you’d think a little, and then you’d say “no” (again, politely, because odfm readers are polite). What if a man who you’ve never seen or talked to before came up to you and asked you to tickle him? I imagine you’d say “no” before he could even put the question mark on his inquiry.
So what might one tack on to these and other outlandish solicitations to make “no” a difficult response? One particular Bryan/College Station man has figured this out, and he’s using it to take advantage of countless unassuming do-gooders in the area. He preceeds these and other requests with “I’m going to kill myself…”
[This isn't a joke. This guy has been doing this for at least 6 years that I'm aware of. This is a Public Service Annoucement of sorts. This man has taken advantage of no less than 5 of my friends, and this is my attempt to keep you from being next.]
Any decent human being, and especially any Christian (who this guy tends to target) would have a near impossible time blatantly saying “no” to, and dismissing, a guy who tells you in his introductory paragraph that he’s very seriously suicidal. I’m writing to inform that this guy is a fraud (as is evidenced by his still being alive 6 years later), and to save you the money and awkwardness that he’ll try and take from you. Tickling a grown man who you’ve never before met is quintessential awkward.
His name is usually something that starts with the letter “j”. Jay, J.R., and J.D. are all names I’ve known him to use. He’s a 5’9″, 150 lbs, 40 to 50 year-old African American man, last time I saw him (I’m sure he’s still black, I’m just not sure on his weight these days). He’ll approach you and within a few sentences will tell you of his suicidal intentions and before too long he’ll ask you to tickle him (that’s the tell-tale sign, and again, this is not a joke).
So how should we go about dealing with this guy? Well, I submit that we should love him. Does that mean that we tickle him or give him large (or small, for that matter) sums of money? No, pretty sure it doesn’t. But I do think we should try and leave the door open for future dialogs with him, in order that we might share the relentless love of Jesus with him. So if you happen to be the next one he targets, and you’re a male (ladies, let the guys handle this one, please), learn from other’s mistakes before you and use your discernment along with the Spirit’s guiding in dealing with him.
I could go on with specifics of this particular character and ways he’s manipulated me and my friends, but this is already pretty long and I’ve still got to give an obligatory disclaimer about how I don’t hate needy people. Hope you consider yourself warned and semi-well-informed.
Obligatory Disclaimer on How I Don’t Hate Needy People: Please don’t read this and think that I’m somehow anti-helping people’s physical needs. I’m not. In fact, I’m all for helping folks who are less fortunate, lonely, down-and-out, homeless, and any other human who is breathing and in need. Truly, I am. I’m less in favor of people who’s sole source of survival is taking advantage of people. As much as I’d enjoy you having an adequate view of my perceptions of “needy” folks, I’d enjoy even more you not getting taken advantage of by this or any other guy. Ok, end disclaimer.
Comments
I would like to take a survey on this topic. The first thing that came to mind was that the people that would respond the way 5-6 of your friends have responded can’t be black. This is silly. and I’m kinda waiting for the next blog where you say “April fools!” Only thing is, April is nearly over. Maybe there’s more story to this alleged con, can you give a more detailed experience or link me to one?
And one more thing! I mean, if someone that I had never met, told me in the first few moments of meeting that they were very suicidal, and then was simply ready to live when offered money, I..welli just don’t know… Maybe I feel this way because of my blog “On Being Kind.” I’m going to refer some of my friends to read this post of yours and see what they say.
Are you serious? There is actually a guy that does this??
I just heard that Jeff Shaddix got hit up by the tickle monster as well.
Don’t know the details yet … but I will.
Yeah, this guy is for real. I have not had any personal contact w/ him but I have had friends who have met him. I was first warned about him from the College Station police department during a routine frisking after being pulled over for a busted tail light. (Not even joking. It was a weird evening.) But after being awkwardly patted down and the police realizing I’m not a threat we began a conversation and one point of interest was them warning me of the “tickle monster” and how he likes to specifically prey on Christians. This was my freshman year at A&M, 1999. So this guy has been there for quite some time.
I knew several male friends who got hit up by this guy our senior year!! Yet I still crack up every time I hear about it… I mean tickling…really? how bizarre!