post-run conversations

by D.O.

Last Friday morning, in a stroke of comedic brilliance, I parked Skylar all up ons The Tony Train (which is to say I parked my car so close to my friend Antwan’s that he wouldn’t be able to enter it when the time came for him to leave). In a retaliatory — and arguably superior — display of comedic intuition, Twan went on to acquire (somehow) a stick of white shoe polish with which he wrote the words “BUTT FACE,” “PEE PEE PANTS,” and “I’M FAMILY” on Skylar’s glass, starting on the driver’s side and working counterclockwise.

Yesterday, as I came home from an afternoon run, I was met by a neighbor who also happened to be outside. This neighbor walks area dogs for income, and if anybody on the street is that neighbor, she’s it. She seems to always be out when I return from my runs (or any other time I’m not in my house), as if she is anticipating my return like the dogs she walks await their owner’s arrival home. As is her custom when I turn the corner onto my street to celebrate the completion of a run, she invited herself along on the cool down walk.

The following is a transcript of part of our conversation:

Neighbor: So somebody wrote some nasty things on your car, huh?

D.O.: Oh yeah… I mean, not nasty, but…

Neighbor: Who did that??

D.O.: It was one of my friends from work… it was a joke

Neighbor: Why did he do that??

D.O.: I parked my car so close to his that he couldn’t get in it.

Neighbor: [unamused at my parking prank, and knowing my affiliation with The Way] He’s not a Christian is he?

D.O.: Oh no, he is.

Neighbor: A Christian that cusses, huh? Like me.

D.O.: [small pity/confused/really? laugh] Well there weren’t any cuss words…

Neighbor: Well… “butt face…”

D.O.: [speechless]

Neighbor: And what else did it say? “Pee pee pants?”

D.O.: Yeah…

Neighbor: Well…

[Scene]